Texas Tall tales and Truthes

Once upon a time in Texas, by Mable Cash 5-9-08

Traveling this week, I spied a Ford pick-up truck with the following bumper-sticker, “American by birth, Texan by the grace of God.” I’ve thought about that statement and I’ve come to this conclusion, that person is a proud American who considers it a blessing from God to have been born in Texas and is acknowledging that fact. Some folks weren’t born in Texas but they came here for various reasons. The following excerpt is taken from “My Rambles” by Solomon Alexander Wright.

“One cold, rainy day a gang of old-timers were in a saloon drinking and sitting around the stove telling yarns and getting mighty cheerful. After awhile they all agreed to tell why they had come to Texas. One said he’d come because his neighbors all seemed anxious for him to try another climate. Another one said that he always thought a lot of his horses and that the brands on some he’d got hold of back in Georgia seemed to keep them from resting easy. Another one said he never did want to be tied down to property and had simply refused to inherit a shotgun from a man who wanted to be his father-in-law.

The Confessions went on this way until all but one old gray-whiskers had told his story. ‘ Now, Uncle Billy, let’s hear why you came to Texas,’ they said.

Uncle Billy stroked his chin and said: ‘Back in Kentucky, where I come from, I was a preacher… and a d—n good one. One Sunday morning I got up in the pulpit and told my flock how the congregation over in Pleasant Valley had agreed to build a twenty-five hundred dollar church house and were raising the money. I proposed that we go the Pleasant Valley brethren and sistern one better and build a thirty-five hundred dollar church house.

‘ They all sanctioned the idea. It had been a good year, and right then and there the money was subscribed. They appointed me treasurer. Bright and early next day I started out to collect the pledges. It certainly wasn’t blue Monday that week. I got every dollar of the thirty-five hundred. But I was in such a hurry to come to Texas that I didn’t have time to stay and build the church house.’”

No doubt, if you’ve delved into Texas History you’ll find that Texas had numerous rascals come to settle here. But as some folks say,” You’ve got to have a little gravel in your gizzard to get by.”

There’s a story of a young boy who was asked by his Sunday school teacher to name the birthplace of Jesus. He thought for while and finally made three guesses, Gladewater, Mount Pleasant and Bonham. The teacher finally told him that the answer was, Palestine. The youngster nodded and said, “I knew it was somewhere in East Texas!”

You qualify to understand Texanese if you know the meaning of the following quote, “Pert nigh but not plumb.”